Self-doubt

Sometimes our past is filled with unsettling memories and it’s hard to grasp whether images plaguing our mind are real or imagined. Sometimes we have only blank spaces where we should have memories. Sometimes our siblings remember things whereas we may only have a vague mental snapshot. Other times, we might be using doubt as a shield to protect us from the harsh glare of reality.

Believe it, know it.

Once you determine that the things you initially thought you imagined that happened to you as a child actually happened, once you believe your own truth because the marrow in your bones holds the truth, and your inner voice is saying “Yes, this is the truth,” then you know it. This knowing is truth. Your truth.

No one can remake the past, but you can give yourself permission to make something better now. You can remember painful events and still be safe. You can see where your “stories” started, the lies you bought into about yourself because you or others said that was the truth when it wasn’t. Memories don’t have power over you unless you allow them to. Choose awareness, and it will be like removing a dark film from a lens that only previously permitted a glimpse of your true Self.

You’ll find it easier to live in truth than living with the delusion that life was better when you chose to be ignorant of all the terrible effects abuse has had on your life.

Don’t let anyone minimize your experience.

As an adult, I wrote letters to my parents telling them about my childhood abuse. That was the first time my mother may have truly heard me—maybe because I told my father at the same time, too, and she could no longer deny it. One of my siblings called me when they found out what happened and asked, “Are you sure it happened?” As if I would make it up. As if I would make up something with such deep effects on the family. As if all my life the many effects of abuse I suffered—behaviors known as coping methods—were caused by something else. You know your truth. Honor it. From here on out, you can be your own biggest champion of your truth!

My brother tried to minimize what he did to me. He said, “It only happened once,” which wasn’t true. He justified molesting and raping me, telling my mother, “Well, it happened to me, too.” It may have. Sexual abuse is generational, and it can run rampant, not just in an immediate family. I personally knew of several relatives who had been sexually abused. Still, that didn’t give my brother a right to abuse me, to take out his frustration, anger, pain, and perversion out on me and my body. And whether my family believes me or not, I know the truth.

Often times our families don’t know how to support our healing so we need to look elsewhere for the nurturing and unconditional love the healing process requires. If you can’t find support within your family, genuine friends will provide emotional and psychological support and may even have similar stories to share. Other survivors can offer insight into the raw and bitter feelings that eat at the heart of our soul or behaviors that can destroy and sabotage any chances for happiness due to sexual abuse. Programs specifically geared toward abuse survivors can be found on the internet and through community self-help step programs, as well as through private insurance counseling. These venues can provide a safe space to share your experiences and trust your voice. And if one tribe isn’t the right fit, move on to the next, until you feel safe, loved, and accepted enough to begin your healing journey.